When Spouses Cheat

Betrayal. Anger. Distrust. Loneliness and self-loathing. These are only some of the feelings a spouse could feel after his or her spouse has cheated.

I'm guessing. I've never been there myself.

But it occurs to me that when I fall into willful sin -- described by Beth Moore as the sin you know is wrong but plan to do and then for which you carry out that plan -- I am the cheating spouse. I have a relationship with God, through the saving work of Jesus Christ, and God and I have been in this relationship for 23 years. When I plan and then engage in willful sin, I am betraying that relationship.

Why do spouses cheat? Each side generally blames the other, although the fault usually falls somewhere in the middle. But it all comes down to one thing:

The intimacy is gone.

It's not the love or the excitement that the cheater misses. It's the closeness, the ability to talk about anything and everything, the sharing, the intimacy. We all want to feel that closeness with another person and we seek after it with everything we've got.

God does, too. He sent His Son to make closeness and intimacy with God a possibility. Unlike a marriage relationship between husband and wife, God is not to blame.

I am.

James 4:7-8 says, "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded."

First we must trust that what God says is true, and submit to it. Then we resist the temptation and lies of the devil. We seek forgiveness, and with forgiveness comes intimacy.

In Psalm 73 the psalmist Asaph describes his heart struggling to accept God's truth. Verse 13-14 says following God's law has been for nothing. The wicked prosper but he hasn't. But then verse 17 gives the answer: "When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny."

Asaph betrayed God in his heart, as I have many times. But there is hope for you and me, just as there was for Asaph. Psalm 73:23-26 says, "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

When a spouse cheats, there is hard work that must be done on both sides to restore that broken relationship. In our relationship with God, the work is done. It is accomplished. It is finished. We instantly return to that secure place in His arms.

God hasn't moved. He is still right there, next to the cross that saved me, and when I turn around, He will welcome me back.

Praise God for His goodness. God, I want to come home. Help me seek intimacy with You, to make it a priority. Whom have I in heaven or on earth but You?