Days Well-Spent

What do you enjoy doing when life allows you some time for yourself? Yoga, running, reading, cooking, shopping? There are any number of things we can do to "self-care," as they say now-a-days. Mental health experts promote self-care, saying, "Self-care is any activity we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health," because it rejuvenates us and improves how we interact with others. "Self-care isn't a selfish act, either. It is not only about considering our needs; it is rather about knowing what we need to do in order to take care of ourselves, being subsequently able to take care of others as well." Raphalia Michael, MA for psychcentral.com

I certainly support self-care, especially to improve your ability to take care of other people. This is vital for parents, medical caregivers, teachers, and ministry leaders. For me, though, it can easily degenerate into a time of selfishness and self-centeredness.

Anyone who knows me long has heard me wax eloquent about Little House on the Prairie, the TV show that launched Melissa Gilbert's career. In the season that introduces Almonzo, her future husband, there is an episode where he is trying to break his horse to the task of pulling a carriage. The horse will have none of it and runs full tilt any time Almonzo wants to go faster than a walk. He tells Laura, "He doesn't know the difference between running and running away."

That's me, with anything, really, but we're talking about mental health days and self-care. Forget the inability to eat one bite of cake or the compulsion to read my favorite mystery series from beginning to end. Again.

I woke up Thursday with a scratchy throat and cough. That night I took the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching…. medicine and slept for eleven hours. Nevertheless, I woke up worse yesterday than the day before, and there were eight inches of snow on the ground and more coming, so I decided to take the day off. All well and good. I decided to watch a video on youtube.

I kid you not, I did absolutely nothing yesterday except watch one video after another. I took a nap. I ate dinner. And then I watched several hours more. One more video and then one more. I couldn't tell the difference between running and running away.

As I was getting ready for bed, I knew my day had been wasted in sin. Not that there was anything wrong with what I was watching, but it was ALL I DID all day. Not a prayer, not a Bible study, not even a conversation with another human to break the selfish monotony. I repented. I prayed. And as I opened my Bible to read the pre-scheduled chapter in my nightly devotions, I read this:

I said to myself, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure. So enjoy yourself." And behold, it, too, was futility. Ecclesiastes 2:1

I can speak those words with Solomon. It was all futility. Worthless. Of no value.

Did I feel sick yesterday? Yes. I didn't have to go to work or meet friends for coffee. I didn't have to spend hours working on my new novel; it takes too much brain power when one has a headache. But could I have read a chapter or two of Scripture? Yes. Could I have spent time in prayer? Yes. With the dozens of books on my shelf, could I have found something worthwhile to read? I'm sure.

Instead I let my futile pleasure run away. With me.

As Christians we know the ultimate purpose of our lives is to know God and make Him known. This command also requires self-care, and it is this self-care I ignored yesterday. If I want to impact the lives of others for God's glory, I must continually fill the bucket from which I pour, for as the old childhood song says, "There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole." Henry tries to fix his bucket with any number of things, but there is only one thing that fixes the hole in me.

More of God. And it is by filling myself with more of God that I am first rejuvenated and then able to pour into others.